Quick question: Who really eats a daily breakfast like the happy family to the left?

Please speak up. I am by no means a stupid person, however, I can’t figure out a logical answer to this question. On the same token, I’m not Einstein nor do I know how to flip a DeLorean in a way where I can go forward to visit my future self, but when I first asked myself this question I thought I could come up with a simple answer. 35 hours and beers later; I’m answerless. The only logical reason the man in the picture can whip up a dish like this on a daily basis is (A) he’s been smoking crack all night and cooking breakfast is just a part of his trip, (B) he’s cheating on his wife and guilt has driven him to become heavyweight champion of the breakfast world, or (C) he is not the dad of the family. In fact, he is a time traveling cyborg designed to warn the world that armageddon will come in the form of evil uprising gay nano robots. Sadly, this cyborg took the wrong bus and ended up being enslaved and reprogrammed into a butler. Poor cyborg butler….I feel for your struggle man. Fight the power!

Personally, I haven’t had a sit down breakfast of this picture’s calibur since……(I’m thinking)….well, put it like this: my mustache hadn’t arrived on my face yet. The hussle and bussle of the morning does not allow me (as well as most of us) to free up 2 morning hours to cook up such a feast. My breakfast is usually eaten at 1pm and is something most of us would call lunch. Sometimes, when I remember, I’ll grab a granola bar from the cabinet and eat it while I’m chillin’ in traffic. That’s as far as my breakfast goes. Shoot, I can’t even remember the last time I ate cereal and had enough time to solve the maze on the back of the Trix box. Oh, the dice of life has crapped out on me many times. Don’t feel sorry for me though…as a bachelor, I can eat dinner in my boxers. I’d say not having a Brady Bunch breakfast is a fair trade.

So, TV show breakfast eaters of the world, PLEASE RAISE YOUR HANDS! I want to pick your brain…and pick up your leftovers every morning…..PLEASE!

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….and I’ve done it again. Yes, another 2 week absence from my beloved website. What is my excuse this time???? Well, my excuse is nothing. No excuse…I’m sorry is my excuse and I owe all my readers 10 pushups. 

Contrary to popular belief, the life of a bachelor has many downfalls. However, on the other end of that stick, the life of a bachelor has a few perks. One major upside is the topic of food. You can eat what, when, and wherever you want. For example: a bachelor can eat on the floor, sitting Native American style in his cartoon boxers while watching cartoons in his cartoon comforter. My favorite bachelor food story is the time my buddy told me that he was eating spam straight out the can like a finger food. I’d personally like to go into more detail on that particular story, but we’ll save that one for a rainy day.

On this particular Sunday, my boys’ Rico (AKA Puerto Rico), Steve-O (AKA Steve-O), and Norlen (AKA Nor) invited me to join them for a 4pm breakfast at a joint called Studio Diner (4701 Ruffin Road, San Diego, CA 92123). This diner isn’t named Studio Diner just because it’s a snazzy name. No, no, no Mr. President. It’s actually named Studio Diner because it is located an underhand stone’s throw away from San Diego’s only film studio. Did I forget to mention that the diner is shaped like an old school movie set trailer? Very creative indeedy-deed.

So, on this eating adventure we all ordered a variation off the Studio Diner’s “two egg and something else” breakfast menu. I ordered eggs (scrambled) and hash, Steve-O ordered the same, Puerto Rico got his eggs with bacon (fat bacon strips mind you), and Nor got his with sausage with an order of pancakes on the side. All these egg meals also comes with hash browns and toast. A feast built for royalty, but in an ironic twist, we are not of royal blood; thus the meal being branded as an extra special event.

The staff was just as great as the food was. Our server, Jennifer, was very pleasing to the eyes and quite the observant conversationalist. She had noticed that I had a Guam emblem on my keychain and quickly sparked an interesting conversation regarding her uncle, a cook at Studio Diner, originating from the island of Guam. Her being a pretty young lady and me being detached from the relationship world, I threw some flirty jabs at her. However, Jennifer being a professional at her job, she quickly took me out with a one, two combination and I was out for the count…figuratively that is.

All in all, this breakfast was the pinnacle of what a bachelors breakfast should be. What more can we ask for? Maybe some fellatio, but I can live without that for now.

Puerto Rico holding up two plates like a championship trophy and Steve-O’s hand; ready for some breakfast destruction.

Nor with the fatty pattycakes…and Steve-O getting his reverse thizz face on.

Steve-O looking all cute with his amazing biceps. Nor showing Steve-O how to execute a real reverse thizz face.

Eggs and Hash (not the illegal hash you smoke out the pipe)

Nor’s pancakes………

Breakfast gets destroyed….

Can you spot the bread arrow??? Puerto Rico writing a haiku in his head about hummingbirds; He’s just deep like that. Steve-O looking where he shouldn’t be looking, but he is looking there anyways like “Yeah I’m looking over there and I know the camera is on me and I still don’t care. Kumite!! Kumite!! Noktsuka Noktsuka!!” It’s a Bloodsport thing.

Studio Diner is so hip that they even have a MySpace page…just like all the other cool kids we know. Check ‘em out @ their page.

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